One of the local bars in town started an annual "Prom" for us older kids. Last year I didn't get the chance to go, but this year, even though the hubby wasn't into it, me and a dozen or so of my friends got all dressed up and headed out to the event this year. What a blast! (That's me posing with one of my bestest buds Barno at the little photo opt thing they had set up.) I did end up consuming some alcohol, but I didn't hit the buffet table at all, so I did save a lot of calories there. My blood sugars were actually pretty good when I got home, but I contribute that to all the dancing I did. I joked that I think there were only 5 songs in that 3 1/2 hour span I wasn't shakin' my ass too! LOLPeople took pics galore, and while I'm shuffling through them, it really hit me on how just the 15 lbs I had gained since going back on insulin looked on me. I actually started crying as I was going through them. Seeing the weight back on me was horrifying to me. This photo was to me one of the more acceptable ones. My husband, hearing me sniffling from his room asked if I was okay, and I told him why I was crying. He told me he thought I looked amazing Saturday night, but he would love me no matter what size I was. To me, I felt like a failure. A failure to myself and to my health.
I've vowed to print out some of the more "unflattering" pictures people took of me dancing/posing from that night and pinning them in front of my treadmill and on the refrigerator. It may seem drastic, but I need to come up with some way to push myself harder. To want to keep going, so that I can look at pictures of myself and be proud of my accomplishments, not see what a slacker I've been. I have to promise myself that I will get back on track, and get more strict with my food intake and workout routine.
On a more positive note, we had a blast! Everyone looked so amazing, and damn do we clean up good!! hahaha! We're all getting geared up for Crusher's birthday bash this coming Friday, which I already know I can't have anything to drink because of a fasting blood test in the morning, so I'll be lil miss sober sister, and Crusher's designated driver for the evening.
I do hope this week I'll be able to see a change in my determination to get fit and love myself again. I need to do this for me! Nite folks.
What a cool concept!
ReplyDeleteAs for this pic, you look great. And your genuine, happy smile makes you shine as well.
Wow, I'm totally right there with you right now. I think maybe the posting of pictures is something I'm going to steal.
ReplyDeleteI personally think you look great in that picture, but I also realize how important it is to be happy with how you look.
You can do this!
-Meg
i know i can be my own worst critic, like i said.. that pic was on of the ones i was ok with! hahaha.
ReplyDeletenothing major, but when you know what you've been, and know where you could be, it can be discouraging. thanks!!!
Cher, love the pic! I am also very self critical. My family calls me the queen of it! I think many of us have that in us & for me, I still see that fat kid/young adult from yeas ago.
ReplyDeleteI saw this on the Diet Tired website & thought of you:
"Feeling good about yourself while on a journey marred with guilt, resentment and constant judgment is not easy. I realized that all I can do is take it gently each day. The key word is GENTLY. I am much kinder to myself in my thoughts, I find myself encouraging myself more and I am not near as self-judgment as I was. So maybe I don’t eat the exact amount of food groups I should each day. And at times I don’t get my walks in - but it is all okay. Gently, I remind myself that I can do other activity and I find myself embracing the day, bouncing back quicker from stumbles (mind and body) and loving myself much more than when I began this journey two months ago. The weight isn’t coming off my body as quickly as I hoped but my heart is definitely much lighter."
I guess we can all learn something from that.
Jody.. i just love you woman! you are such an inspiration to me, you'll never know! Thanks *hugs*
ReplyDeleteCher, not sure what I have done but you just saying the above made my day! Hang in there & keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteCher, I think you look great. Spitting image of how I remember you from high school.
ReplyDeletethanks Tommy! you're a sweetheart!!
ReplyDelete