Setbacks and Self Sabotage

This cold and flu season has been brutal!  Working within the school system definitely doesn't help when trying to avoid germs, because they are everywhere!  I had the 24 hour flu, and now I'm finally getting over a nasty bought of bronchitis.  It was the first time in my life I went to the doctor over what I consider cold and flu symptoms, but it was getting difficult to breathe and it was making me lethargic and almost unable to stay away during the day.  Luckily I had a 4 day weekend last weekend to sleep and try to recover some with breathing treatments, an inhaler and meds.  I'm feeling better today.  Not 100%, but not bad.  Definitely feel more "alive" and awake these days than I did a week ago.

What really sucked was that we had gotten a new treadmill, and without the ability to breath just sitting on my couch, tackling the treadmill after meals to help with my blood sugar wasn't happening.  I've yet to get on it, but determined by the end of the week to start my program.  The extra weight has been taking it's toll.  What I find amazing is how weak and sore I feel just from gaining the extra 30 lbs, and then I watch shows like My 600 lb Life and I cannot even imagine carrying all that weight, and the extra strain it puts on the body.  Hell, between tearing up because my skin is burning from newly formed stretchmarks, or just being able to pick up my child, I feel so physically defeated sometimes.

One thing I do need to do is stop with the self sabotaging internal voice I seem to have lately.  Some of you may be able to relate.  It's the voice inside me that says, "I can't do this.  What's the point?"  The one that makes the plan to get something done, and when the time comes, I retreat back to old behaviors that serve no purpose but to keep me stagnant in my unhealthy and unproductive lifestyle.  I know that part of that voice comes from my dysthymia, and while I recognize it as crippling me from achieving my goals and doing what I need to do, I can't seem to shake it.  I may need to seek professional help in dealing with some of my demons that have been torturing me since I got deathly ill last year.  Those that do not understand the impact of depression have no place in my life, because their "get over it" attitude is ignorant to say the least, and doesn't do anyone, especially me, any good.

There have been a lot of other things have been going on that have been mentally, emotionally and physically draining, and they certainly play a part as well.  I just want to get better.  I want to be WELL!  Hopefully I can get back to feeling positive and healthy, instead of feeling so lost and worthless.

Water Water Water

Routine exercise and consuming water have always been my biggest downfalls when it comes to losing and maintaining weight.  I'm a gal that likes her carbonation, but the pre-made carbonated flavored waters taste REALLY sweet to me.  So I picked up some Crystal Light packets.  My favorite so far is the Peach Mango Green Tea.  One serving (half a packet) contains only five calories, less than 1g of carbs, 5mg of sodium and provides 10 percent of the daily value for vitamin A and C, without containing any traces of fat, sodium, protein or sugar.  Of course, my water bottle is two servings, but it sure beats what adds up in the Caramel Mochas from McDonald's that I was buying almost daily and addicted to.  I just know I need to start drinking more water, instead of all the caffeinated coffee all the time.  I did have my cup at home when I woke up this morning, but determined to keep it to two regular cups a day, and cut out all the specialty coffees.  For this coffee addict, it is going to be tough, so hopefully I can swing it to a new addiction of water!!!  We shall see!

Side note:  I took this picture at my desk at work, and just noticed that there's my science handout for my classes regarding "mixtures".  LOL   Oh the irony!  Have a great day all!

Pushing Through the Pain

Getting back to a slow and steady workout routine is difficult enough as it is sometimes, and when there is pain involved, it can suck even harder!  Some of the exercises involving raising my arms above my shoulders, like jumping jacks, or even side stretches left me gripping my upper right arm in tears.  Two years ago I tore my deltoid by overthrowing during softball practice, and it has never been the same.  After going into ketoacidosis, this deteriorated the muscle even more.  I can't throw a ball any decent distance like I use to.  I can't overhand pitch, hell I can't even shoot a basketball from the freethrow line anymore, and for someone that was a long time tomboy and did well in sports, it sucks... BIG TIME!!

I've been getting in short bursts of moderate exercise at school too by tossing the basketball or football around with my students on breaks, or playing cornhole with the new sets the principal ordered.  Cornhole is easier since it's an underhand toss instead of an overhand throw.  Even at home, getting things from shelves above my shoulders can be okay one minute and the next leave me gripping my arm once again from the intense pain.  But I'm trying to work through it, and eventually, I'm hoping it will improve.  Time and fitness training are the only things that will help it.

Funny thing is, planks are no problem.  See, the way the muscle is, that position doesn't hurt my arm.  Pushups are another story, and again, any stretching above my shoulders.  But I'll get there.  I pushed through the painful moments of my BodBot workouts this week (they only started me off on every other day), and so far, so good.  Some weak moments, and some... "damn I still got it!" moments.

Trying to use my blog as a way of keeping myself accountable again.  While I may still be sitting in the 180's on the scale, I'm trying to create a routine.   I know I will have to increase my intensity and get my heart rate up and get my cardio on, and I'll admit I'm scared.  I envy people that get injured and just want to get back out there with the same gusto and drive as they had before they were.  For me, my fear of getting hurt, or falling down and embarrassing myself has a hold on me right now.  I wish I could say I'm just going to bust out of that blanket of fear and go for it, but it plays mind games with me.  I'm not mentally strong right now, but just like my physical fitness and weight loss goals. I'll get there.  It's a process and achievements in the making.

Have a great weekend!

Six More Weeks

Well, this morning, ol' Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his home only to see his shadow, so legend says that we will have 6 more weeks of winter,  While this can be a disheartening thought, there is a plus side to it all.  It means I still have 6 more weeks of indoor activities to lose some of this insulin-induced weight before having to break out the cute (with less material) spring clothing!

For those of us with extra fluff, winter is always forgiving when it comes to clothes, with over-sized long sleeved shirts, sweaters, and hoodies.  We don't really look overweight, we just look "warm", right?  It's been a struggle with trying to get my body to move in the cold, but I did find this great website and app called BodBot.  You enter in all your information and it makes workouts FOR you.   You'll get your list either via email, or on your app.  The days you do not get one are your rest days, or days you can choose other activities.  As you do the reps, you mark them off as you go, and by the time you are done... complete workout done!  I tweeked mine by adding what equipment I have and do not have, so most of my workout can be done anywhere, no equipment needed.  It's great, and there is also a feature (like most fitness apps) where you can upgrade and it will track much more, analyze your progess, help you meal plan in order to reach your goals faster.

Screenshot of my BodBot App

Another great website/app is MyFitnessPal.  I've used this in the past, and it is quite popular as well.  While both programs are great and have amazing information and can track your progress and daily activities, neither will work for you if you don't do the work!

Of course my goal is to get back down to 150 lbs, so I have about 30+ lbs to lose, and my biggest issue has always been exercise.  I like finding things that are fun, so that it doesn't feel like a chore.  I lost a lot of weight when I was playing softball, but with a blown knee and torn muscles in my throwing arm, that's not an option anymore.  I hate that my range of motion and body has limitations now.  I'm actively seeking things that will help me out, and of course I'll always have Zumba and dance fitness, like Caleb Marshall - The Fitness Marshall!!  He cracks me up!

I'll just keep on keeping on and hopefully be ready for spring in 6 weeks!  Ciao for now!